


You Can't Rob a Bank with an Uber

by InsominiacArrest



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Drunkenness, F/F, Falling In Love, Humor, NSFW conversations, Recreational Drug Use, Uber
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-10 19:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8934172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsominiacArrest/pseuds/InsominiacArrest
Summary: Peridot keeps picking up the same grungy sun-dress girl on the side of the road, in her underwear, in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, it's a working relationship.The Uber AU.





	1. Running.

**Author's Note:**

> teetering on the edge of 'mature' and 'teen' but the rating may go up anyway

_Running._

Peridot had decided to take some time off after college. She planned to do something mindless and repetitive for awhile, just to pay off her car payments.

Repetitive, easy, and something she could into while working with her erratic sleep schedule.

It was a pretty normal gig. She liked driving, she liked the radio and she didn’t mind the customers if she had enough caffeine and weather to talk about.

She doing morning rounds on a tuesday, mostly picking up 20-somethings getting to work and people who had a very, very long night at the bars.

She was humming and listening to a mix of electronica and remixes when she got the usual beep to pick someone up- near main street by the new apartment complexes.

She turned around and made her way over to Lark Avenue.

She made pretty good time if she did say so herself, but she was not expecting her passenger to be on the move as she hailed her.

She was looking in her rearview mirror when she saw a young woman in a striped sundress and a grungy oversized jacket running towards her. She pops an eyebrow up and looked to see someone in a suit chasing her.

“Nhhh,” She cringes, hoping this wasn’t for her. The figures came scurrying down the cracked sidewalk and Peridot sighed and rolled forward.

The door to her car was wrenched open of course the girl swung herself into the front seat in a heap of limbs and barefeet kicking up in the air.

  
“Drive! Drive!” She yelled as she pushed her messy blue hair out of her face and tried to scramble to sit up properly. She batted uselessly at the door until it finally closed. Peridot stared at her.

She held a backpack close to her chest and looked like a tornado had kissed her head that morning and made it a mop of tangled locks.

Peridot blinked a couple times. It was hard not to be stunned by a strange girl kicking up her shoe-less feet and yelling at her.

“Drive, ya’ dingus! I’m paying you!” She threw her hands in the air and Peridot put her hands on the wheel.

“Lapis!” Someone roared, “Get back here! I’ll call the cops!”

Peridot looks in her mirror and sees the large man with a mustache again, in a suit yelling at them with his fist raised. “What’s going on?” Peridot did not want any trouble.

The girl, Lapis, flashes her bright blue eyes back up at her, “I robbed a bank.” She said it without blinking, sincerly.   
  
Peridot’s eyes go wide, “What?!” The man in the suit starts running towards them and Peridot glances in all directions.

The girl jumps into the bucket seat directly next to her and jammed her small foot on top of Peridot’s- pressing down on the gas and making the car screech forward.

“Ah!” Peridot bleaches her hands on the steering wheel and they propel down the street with a lot more giddyup and go than necessary on a tuesday morning in a domestic street. “Ah!”

She yells again and turns them onto main street and into traffic, Lapis, the girl, lets her feet off the gas and starts laughing.

“What was that?!” Peridot asks in a high pitched bark, “No wait, get out, get out, I won’t be an accomplice.”  
  
The girl covered her face and snickered, “I was kidding,” she opened her backpack to show it just had an old bra, t-shirt and notebook in it. “Thought it’d get you to go quicker.”  
  
Peridot held onto her racing heart, “By telling me you just robbed a bank?”

“Sure...I’m pretty sure there’s nothing like an adrenaline rush at 7 in the morning.” She righted her legs and buckled her seat belt.

Peridot grumbled, “Rob a bank…” She snorts. “Scare me like that.”  
  
“How would that even make sense though?” The girl says as she leaned forward on her elbow, “I’m not even wearing a mask.” She says cheekily.

Peridot frowned and inched forward in the morning rush traffic, “It could be very, very poor bank robbery than.”  
  
She grinned with her whole face and something about that made Peridot sit-up straight stare right ahead. “Do you think he’ll come after us?” It was almost a whisper.

  
Lapis laughed again, “Benny? No way. He wants his card money from me, but not _that_ bad.” She winked, “Besides, not with my big, tough Uber company between us. You guys will go for his kneecaps blasted if he messes with your car, right?”

Peridot shook her head in confusion, “We’re not a mafia. They don’t even call me, all business is done through email… But I have insurance,” She mumbles to herself.

  
“Perfect,” Lapis sings, “And then _I’ll_ kneecap him.”

Peridot laughs with a little wrinkle to her nose, “Weirdo…” She says it under her breath and Lapis seems to hear her anyway.

  
“Weirdo?” Lapis blinks at her as she leaned over and changed the radio station, “You just laughed like a horse on helium...also, we’re listening to Cool J, I don’t even know what a ‘Tiesto’ is.” She says, referring to the last artist they listened to.

Peridot opened her mouth in irritation to defend ‘Tiesto’ was the godfather of EDM and she should so some respect, but she sees the phone in Lapis’s hands. She didn’t need her ratings dinged this early in the morning.

Peridot looks at the bumper to bumper traffic as people tried to make their way to work, “Oh my gosh, where are you going again?”  
  
Lapis was tip-tapping on her phone and gestured airily in the downtown direction, “That way captain, my captain...I’ll direct you.”  
  
Peridot frowned deeply, that was her least favorite type of passenger. She sucks it up and keeps on the highway while Lapis slumped in her chair and looked surly. Peridot made the mistake of asking what they were listening to and Lapis explained to her the nuances of 90s hip-hop and how it was by far the superior genre.

And then she suggested she also check out some Swedish rap and connected the car stereo to her phone with Peridot’s aux cord.

Peridot’s eye twitches and she wonders if she should blacklist this girl. She’s suffering through some sort of nordic rap about, she didn’t know, fish maybe, when Lapis tells her to turn right.

They go down a business district street when Lapis tells her to stop, “I’ll be right in and out.”  
  
Peridot turns her head and her mouth falls open, “Oh no no no, that’s a bank.”  
  
Lapis gives her an impish grin, “Come on...I prepped you for this, who doesn’t love a heist movie?”

  
“This would be a terrible heist movie!” She throws her hands in the air. “You can’t rob a bank with an Uber.”

Lapis rolls her eyes, “I’m making a withdraw… I don’t even have like, a sharp pen. We’ll have to plan the robbery for another day, kay?”  
  
Peridot sighs deeply and unlocks the door for Lapis. She may definitely have to blacklist her.

She waits patiently for a few minutes, and luckily Lapis isn’t long and they some reason they don’t kick her out for being barefoot. She skipped back out as she zipped up her backpack.

“Alright,” she hopped back into Peridot’s 2013 Mitsubishi, “One more stop a little ways up the street.”

Peridot shrugged and drove them to the end of the shopping area, Lapis jumps out and waves at her, “Do you want anything?” She asks as she starts walking backward.

“What?”  
  
“You know what, I’ll just get you something spicy. You look like the type.”  
  
Peridot screwed up her face and Lapis disappeared into a burrito shop. This was turning out to be a more bizarre morning than she planned for.

She drumming her fingers on the steering wheel and adjusting her mirrors when Lapis tapped on the window again, holding two packages in the air. Peridot unlocked the door.

“Here,” Lapis jumped back in and slid over a tin-foil covered burrito. “For picking my ass up this morning with Benny chasing us.”  
  
Peridot blinks and stares down at it, “You got me a burrito?”  
  
She shrugs, “Yeah, it’s whatever, a tip for the drama. Here you go.”  
  
Peridot tilted her head, “Wow,” She blinks, “Thanks.” It came out a bit stilted but Lapis was already unwrapping her food. “Don’t spill anything in my car.” Peridot says with her eyes narrowed, Lapis nods through a gigantic bite of her burrito and Peridot just sighs.

“Where to next? The laundromat? Your grandmas?”  
  
Lapis swallowed in what looked like painfully, “You can take me home...Which I will tell you where it is if you promise to not stalk me.”  
  
Peridot scowls, “I can’t imagine why I do that.”  
  
Lapis shakes her head, “You’re right. You’re only like, 2/3rds creepy. The alien bumper stickers improve the look, but I would consider more snacks in here. Maybe a coaster.”

Peridot shakes her head, “I’m glad you like the stickers.” She says sarcastically, referring to her four bumper stickers ranging from ‘I believe’ to the X-files logo. “They reflect my inner most wants.”  
  
Lapis grins and types in her address to Peridot’s dash GPS. “Take me home jeeves, and when you’re done with your burrito, you can put the tin foil on your head.” She winks and Peridot reconsiders her life-choices on occupations again.

She starts driving out of the city.

Lapis finishes her food and tells Peridot her ranking of the best burrito shops in town and directs her down a very dusty road, Peridot was surprised it was 15 minutes out of town.

“Are you sure?” She suddenly asks as the landscape gets very, very empty.

Lapis picked at her nails, “It’s a pain, but it’s quiet out here, cheap.”  
  
Peridot hums and makes her way through the yellow grass and countryside, bizarre with the skyscrapers in the background.

“Tell me when.” Peridot kept driving and Lapis kept glancing at her.

Finally, she directs her down a very long side road to looked like a townhouse or maybe a barn in the middle of nowhere. She pulls up to an empty square of dirt.

Peridot blinks, “Okay.”

“Yeah,” Lapis exhales. “It’s been a good time.” Her blue eyes survey Peridot, “Thanks for the ride….?” Lapis leaned over towards her.

“Peridot.” Peridot says as she looks Lapis over.

“Thanks.” She smiles, “I’ll give you five stars and everything.”

Peridot hums and nods, at least a little satisfied, “Awesome...take it easy. I hope you luck in finding an extra pointy pen, ectera, ectera, robbing banks.”  
  
Lapis pops her door open, “I wouldn’t do it without you! We’ll be heist buddies.”

Peridot laughs a little and finally sees the morose girl swing out of the car and back onto the dirt, waving at her languidly and Peridot watched as her rating went up. Ever so slightly.

She hums and eventually eats her burrito with one hand. It wasn’t bad.

 

\---------

_Drunk._

Peridot didn’t expect to see the same people more than a couple times. Twice was stretching it at best.  
  
But technology had other plans for her, so did her car.

It was 1am on a Saturday, it was a rush-time since all the bars were closing, which meant more money, but also a prime-time for someone to puke in her back seat. She had heard the horror stories.

She drives very, very carefully.

She’s outside ‘Lucky’s bar’ and girl when she suddenly sees a display of electric blue hair teetering back and forth on the sidewalk, Peridot’s eyes go wide.

“Uuh,” she checks on her phone to see who she’s picking up and her brain puts it together very slowly, there is a knock on her car window.

“Hey, my hero, you again.” This girl was drunk. She made a mist on Peridot’s window with her breath and drew an unsteady heart in the glass.

Peridot raises an eyebrow but unlocks her car again, “I didn’t think I’d be seeing you again.”  
  
Lapis falls sideways into the car, “I saw you doing rounds on my phone and clicked on you,” She hiccups. “I thought we’d catch up. How’re the kids? How’s the mortgage?”  
  
Peridot allows Lapis to collect herself and somehow figure out how to close the door behind her and click her seatbelt.

Peridot makes a face, “Obviously, the kids are fine. Just had a science project in, the mortgage, you wouldn’t believe. The PTA meeting featured a table being set on fire.”  
  
Lapis blinked at her and teetered back and forth, “Really?”  
  
Peridot snorted, “No! I’m only 23.”  
  
Lapis laughed and Peridot hopes she’s not going to fall on her, “Hot. Also, you don’t seem like to kid and husband type.”

Peridot opened her mouth, and then closed it. This stranger definitely didn’t need to know she was absolutely not the husband type

“Mmm,” she hums and nods, “Well, your drunk ass is right about that.”  
  
Lapis did end up leaning on her, “My drunk ass? Is that how you talk to customers?”  
  
Peridot blushes, “I mean, ma'am. Miss.” She murmurs and looks away.

“Noooo,” the moody girl hiccuped, “I expect, fine, beautiful ass when referring to me, wonderful ass that you could bounce a quarter off of... I could show you.” Lapis hiked up her dingy sun-dress.  
  
Peridot looks every which direction, “Please don’t.” She hunches over. “Also, you wanted to go home right? ‘Cause that’s the way I was driving.”  
  
Lapis glances at her in the dark, “No.” She says absently as she typed on her phone, “Could you just drive around in circles? I’m waiting on someone.”  
  
Peridot sighed, but she was getting paid so she guessed it didn’t matter either way. “You are you waiting for? Are they far?” She just wanted to make sure.

Lapis holds up her phone and shakes it, “I’m waiting to hear back from some booty calls.”  
  
Peridot makes a face, “You’re drunk.”  
  
“I’m efficient.” She retorts and starts typing again, “What do you think of this girl?” Lapis holds up a picture of a blonde in a holiday outfit giving a peace sign. “She’s cute, like cute-cute, but she keeps asking me how I feel about Joseph Stalin and I don’t know how to respond.”  
  
Peridot mouths the words, ‘Joseph Stalin,’ “Who are even messaging on tinder?”  
  
“My dude,” Lapis slurs and wipes at her nose, “I have no idea.”  
  
“I should take you home.”

“That’s sounds counterproductive to my general life goals,” Lapis tried to show her another picture and ask her which way to swipe, “How do you feel about the dog filter pics? I feel like they’re getting old news. Tacky. I’m not a furry.”  
  
Peridot sighs, “I don’t know. Your booty calls sound too complicated.”  
  
Lapis shrugs, “When the lady liberties calling, when she’s holding the torch, when she’s at the ready in the ocean. You have to answer the call...The lady liberty is my-”  
  
“I know what you’re lady liberty is.” Peridot interrupts her with a cringe. “Sure you don’t want home? You’ll have a nice comfy bed and no regrets.”  
  
Lapis leans her head on Peridot’s shoulder as they drive around in circles at 2 in the morning. “My bed is full of rats.”  
  
Peridot snorts, “Better than sleeping with one…”  
  
Lapis laughs with a full bodied chuckle, “Rude! Calling girls rats. I should have you docked. We’ll go to sensitivity training and I’ll dress up like a sexy secretary...tell you messages are in, bite on the end of a pencil and lower my glasses an inch...A true test.”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Peridot noticed police on the side of the ride and made a hard left into a different street.

“I don’t know,” Lapis sighs and leaned back, looking at her screen, “You know something sad? My ex is really looking good lately, maybe I should call her...”  
  
Peridot frowns and reaches over, she’s not sure what she’s doing, but pats Lapis’s exposed knee, “I don’t know you...But that sounds like a really terrible idea.”  
  
Lapis tosses her phone to the floor, “Will you buy me a sexy secretary outfit if I go home?”

“Uh,” Peridot does not bite her lip.

“I feel like we could bond over that. I don’t even know how to wear a pencil skirt.”  
  
Peridot raises her eyebrows but a flood of relief comes over her, “Home it is.” She tries to remember the way, “Also, what makes you think I know how to put on pencil skirts?”  
  
Lapis fluffs her short hair, “Instinct. Under those hoodies…” She whistles.  
  
Peridot shakes her head, “You should drink some water.”  
  
“I like your Leia T-shirt though. Very you.”  
  
Peridot has the decency to stop at a 7-11 and buy her a 1-liter water bottle, watching the girl chug the whole thing down in one go.

“Thanks,” she eyes were unfocused and she fist-bumps Peridot, “This is really solid. If you ever need to get away from the kids, I can put you on my booty-call list.”

Peridot hesitates for far, far too long as her cheeks heat up, Lapis’s floral dress was bunched up at her waist and exposed her thighs. She hated this.

“Nah,” Peridot finally says and looks away, starting up the car again, “I wouldn’t know how to start a conversation on Joseph Stalin.”  
  
“Not a history buff?” Lapis asks she leans back with her hands behind her head, her eyes half-closed.  
  
“I was a computer science major.”  
  
Lapis looks over to her as Peridot starts to drive them out of the city, “How did you end up driving an Uber?”  
  
Peridot shrugs, “I thought there would be less nervous breakdowns outside of engineering colleges.” She meant it to be a joke, but felt the tension ooze from the words. Shit.

“Ahaha,” Lapis laughed anyway in the seat next to her. “Oh my god, you.” She punches her on the shoulder, “I could like you.”  
  
Peridot kept her eyes fixed on the road, “Please stop saying things like that,” She says under her breath, she watches as Lapis’s eyes start to flutter shut again.

She was asleep ten minutes into driving out into the countryside, she yanks Lapis’s skirt down mid-way through that too. She didn’t need her thighs glowing at her in the moonlight next to her.

She makes it down the country road, quiet and lawless in the wake of non-man’s land. It’s Peridot’s favorite type of driving, she hadn’t seen a speed limit in miles.

She’s taking another sip of her energy drink when she finds the old house again, a brown roof and white door reflecting the dull stars.

Peridot leans over the seats slowly, “Hey,” She shakes her gently, “Hey, you’re home.” She shakes less gently.

Lapis took a second to wake up and rub at her eyes, she unbuckles her seatbelt and looks at the discarded water bottle on the ground. “You bought me a water, that wasn’t a dream.” Lapis seemed more lucid.

Peridot looks away and scratches the back of her neck, “Yeah, well, I should really start carrying those more to start with. Get more stars.”  
  
Peridot feels something soft press into her cheek, soft and sloppy. “That’s like, the nicest thing.”  
  
Peridot blushes deeply from the cheek-kiss and decides maybe she wasn’t as sober as she looked.

“Welp,” Peridot hunched her shoulders, “It uh, you’re welcome.”  
  
Lapis pushes her own bangs back, “I’m going to go inside now and try to stop myself from puking.” She waves, “If I see you again, remind me give you a cool rock or a fingerbang or something.”  
  
“Oh my God.”  
  
Lapis hops out of the car, a little more sure on her feet and goes inside her strange old house.

  
Peridot leans back in her chair and groans, pulling on her own hair, “ _Goddamit_.”  
  
She decides to call it a night and drives back to her own apartment without finishing out the hour.


	2. 27 Dollars

Peridot saw Lapis for the third time a week later.

Peridot was dropping off a young professional who had said ‘this is my third job interview this week! It had to be the one!’ His brown hair was brushed meticulously to the side and he wore a two piece suit with a dog tie, he reminded her of someone who sang to themselves when they were alone. Peridot dropped him off at his dingy apartment in the empty part of town. He gave her 4.5 stars.

An optimist.

It was down this city empty road, tucked away from traffic, ending with a dead end, and with rain pattering down the storm drains.

She was standing outside, in the storm, in her underwear, with the look of someone bored with the whole concept of life more complex than an ameba.

Peridot was actually kind of bemused, Lapis hadn’t hailed her or anything, but this was a girl out in her underwear out in the rain.

She was in just a thin white tank top and pair of dark blue panties covered her goose-bump ridden skin, Peridot drives a little slower.

“Maybe she lost her phone…” Peridot mumbled to herself, concerned enough, also, _not_ a creep, she swears she’s not a creep when taking in the other girls bastion of exposed skin.

This was normal people things, people that sometimes got worried about other people. Even though Peridot had definitely yelled at no less than 3 bikers on the highway this morning, made a 12 year old cry on Overwatch and never bought her mom the right birthday presents.

But she could be nice.

She slows down even further as the steady early spring rain beats against her window, Lapis was staring straight ahead, her blue eyes looking like fogged mirrors.

Peridot frowns and hopes Lapis spots her on her own. Of course, she doesn’t.

Peridot sighs and lowers her window, clearing her throat ever so slightly as she watches the tank-top-panties girl.

Lapis finally looks over her way, her mouth a sour puckered hole on her face as she hunched over, covering her eyes to peer over at Peridot.

“Did you lose your phone?” Peridot tries to ask smoothly.

Lapis’s eyes go wide, “Hey!” She tilted her head and points, “It’s you!”

Peridot hummed and nodded, and put her car in park, no one was coming up behind her.

“Soooooo,” She looked Lapis up and down and called out, “Some sort of bad luck or was this a dare?”  
  
Lapis’s eyes flicked back and forth before she subtly and briefly bit her lip, she jogged up to her car window, “What are saying? Are you.” She stops mid-sentence and made a gesture with her hands.   
  
“I mean, if you’re stranded…” Peridot makes a face, “You look stranded.”

Lapis eyes were suddenly huge, “So, is this you, right now, offering to be my favorite person? Because my sister was coming in a hard first, but you shooting up the rankings like a hot rocket.”

Peridot tugged at the collar of her shirt, “Look, I’ll still charge you.”  
  
“There it is,” Lapis’s face stretched into a smile, “number one.”   
  
Peridot shook her head, “How did you even have this happen? Get in, get in, you’ll freeze out there.”   
  
Lapis sighs, “This is very nice, but I’m waiting right now.”   
  
“For what?” Peridot leaned closer to her open window, “Another Uber? Don’t tell me you’re cheating with Lyft.” Peridot gave a half-smile, joking with her.

“No,” Lapis slumps against the window as the rain covered Peridot’s passenger seat in little speckled patterns. “Look, it’s um.” She sighs once more, “Clothes, alright?”  
  
“Right. I’ve heard of them...have you?”

Lapis rolls her eyes, “Wait right here, I’ll be back.” She runs over to the door of the apartment building, covered in cast-iron crisscrossing designs across the front door.

She knocks admittedly and then uses the page button, “Emily! Emily, I need my phone back. And my jacket, pants would be nice also, in fact, anything that smells like me.” She kept knocking and yelling up as Peridot watched in rapture.

Her shoulder blades curved out from her back like jagged mountain tops or the stone wings of statues in cemeteries. Her damp tank top hugged her waist, her spine was a series of small bumps that chased each other down her back and Peridot’s eyes licked all the way down, she gulped. Her thighs curved out in the wake of dark material, unshaved legs and dirty bottoms of her feet kicking the door. She had far too much skin Peridot decided (and then reconsidered that comment. Peridot was trying not to be creepy).

“Emiiiillyyyy,” Lapis whined, “This is your fault. Come on, it was a fun night. Emilyyyyy.”

Peridot leaned over curiously, trying to put the pieces together.

“Pst,” Peridot looked up to see a red haired girl stick her head out the window, “Uh,” She waves and Lapis jumps up and down. “I can’t believe you’re still here.”  
  
“Where was I gonna go?” Lapis growled and threw her arms in the air.

“Don’t you have other hos?” She sniffed loudly and scowled.

“Give me my phone back.” Lapis says with her eyes narrowed, “And pants, and jacket. And wallet! Fuck, I need that.”  
  
Emily and her had a very long staring contest, Peridot waited for one of them to explode like this was Mario Cart or start reciting Shakespeare, ‘Oh Romeo, oh Romeo, you douche’.

Emily sighs and turns around, “Ugh, fine. Whatever.”  


Lapis hands were in the air again, “You were the one that…!” She made strangled noises in the back of her throat, Emily came back to the window with a black phone case with a whale on it.

She dropped it.

Lapis’s face turned from horror to more horror to triumph as she backed up and caught the phone in midair.

“What are you doing Emily?” Another female voice comes from inside their apartment and Peridot feels like she’s watching a real life TV-drama instead of a shivering girl tossing her head back and groaning in the rain.

“Wallet! Wallet!” Lapis yelled as loud as she could, waving her arms in the air.

“Is she still here? Emily!” It was a howl and Peridot had a bad feeling about this.

“Here,” Emily tossed a black object secured by a rubber band out the window, along with a pair of jeans. Unfortunately, the wallet lands the farthest away from Lapis.

They both hear footsteps clamoring down the building, Lapis’s looks to Peridot and both their eyes expand like spills on the floor. Lapis scrambles to chase her wallet.

A burly woman in a flannel shirt and a ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron jumps out the front door, “You slut! She said you left!”  
  
“I am left!” Lapis says shrilly as she puts her hands in the air. “So left.”

Peridot honked her horn as the cuckolded girl approached Lapis with her shoulders squared, “I could wring your goddamn neck!”  


“This is a misunderstanding.” Lapis says evenly and Peridot honked again.

“You fucked my girlfriend!” She hollered and Peridot dry-swallowed and put the car in drive.

“Total misunderstanding. She said she was single. Sort of, she didn’t mention you.” Lapis says in hurried words, but the woman lunges at her and Lapis ducks and runs towards her wallet.

Lapis foot-ball tackled the object and gracelessly rolled back to her feet. The woman lunges and left, then right, making her back up against a black Toyota and trapping her between a car and a righteous ass-kicking.

“You don’t have to do this.” Lapis’s voice was still all smoke and mirrors, but her shoulders rose like the haunches of a cat and Peridot had the sudden urge to see her face at that very moment.

The woman was shaking her head, “Don’t have to do this...? I saw you! An hour ago, fingers in her fucking pussy as she moaned out-”  
  
“Okay! Yes, alright, but honestly….this sounds like you and her problem.” Lapis as she points between them, the woman growled and Lapis seemed to fancy saying the wrong thing. A lot. In a row. “For couples counseling.”

“-the fuck I don’t have to do this! Let’s both see red.” She swung at her and Lapis jumped backward onto the black car’s hood, her limbs flailing everywhere like a crab as she tried to struggle across the hood and into the road.  
  
“Go, go, go,” Lapis fell down onto the road, hard, but managed to run to Peridot’s open door, flinging herself into the front seat. They were driving away before the door even closed, and the woman was yelling.

“Don’t you fucking come back!”

“Don’t plan to!” Lapis yelled back and tried to right herself.  
  
She was panting (and dripping all over Peridot’s interior), they glance at each other and then look away, pausing for a very long moment. Lapis hunched over and buckled herself in. Peridot was going to start laying towels out.

Peridot gives her a moment to rearrange herself. Peridot drove 25 miles in the neighborhood streets and let the silence settle between them, the energy cooling off.

Finally, Lapis clears her throat, “So, alright, I’ll make a bet with you, destiny? Or are you stalking me? I told you to not do that, tsk, tsk.”  
  
Peridot snorts and shakes her head, “Random chance. And I work a lot.”   
  
Lapis smiles and pushes her hair back, “My knight in shining chrome, as the prophecy foretold.”

“Destiny is as fake as fortune cookies,” Peridot took a left and aimed herself across town, towards the local target. “But you're welcome.”

Lapis shook her head, “Nah. It was my destiny to meet a girl at a concert and lose my favorite jacket,” She sniffed loudly and wiped at her nose, “Fuck, I really lost my favorite jacket.”  
  
Peridot watches Lapis’s face fall and she gulps. “We can stop for clothes...” Her voice was a little high-pitched and Lapis was stretching towards the ceiling, arching her back off the seat.

Peridot’s face flushed like the fourth of July. So, there she was, and there was Lapis and so was she. And Lapis’s nipples were unmistakably pierced when Peridot didn’t stop herself from looking, they were visible through the thin material as they poked out like road signs.  
  
“We should get you some clothes.” Peridot’s eyes drag up and her brain does the cha-cha, filling it with white noise to distract it from itself.   
  
Lapis shakes her head, “Maybe we could just...blast the heat? I just don’t wanna shop right now.” She sighs and Peridot wished she knew a joke and kept chocolate in her dash. “My next paycheck is tomorrow and I already spent my money on boobs and beer of course...And losing my jacket.” She slumped down and looked out the window, “Can’t I just live in an Uber?”   
  
Peridot pops an eyebrow up, “Why would you want to do that?” It was a genuine question.

“You guys don’t stop.”  
  
Peridot shakes her head, “Well, we don’t get thrown out of apartments in our underwear when we’re working, no.”   
  
Lapis light’s up and kicks her driving leg gently. “Are you making fun of me? Me? The damsel in distress almost devoured by a beast at the last hour.”   
  
Peridot snorts and laughs a little, “I wouldn’t call you the damsel...Unless you slept with the dragon and then it tried to eat you? I don’t know, you’re metaphor could be better.”   
  
Lapis shook her head, “Story of my life. Stop doodling Lapis, stop stealing our lawn gnomes Lapis, start making better metaphors, gosh.”   


Peridot bit her lip and her eyes dragged down again, “You’re strange.”  
  
“I am wet and dejected!” She thwapped Peridot on the shoulder, “I swear, you’re only getting 5-stars and my first born child out of obligation now.”   
  
“I only want one of those things.” Peridot turns onto the busy highway, a little emptier from the rain.

“Alright. Well, you can name him.”  
  
Peridot flicked her eyes over to her, “Benny.”   
  
Lapis held her sides and laughed for a long moment, “After my loan shark? Cold.” She laughed.

Peridot raises her eyebrows, “In honor of our first Uber together. Cheers.”  
  
Lapis touched her own chest softly, “So sentimental...But honestly? Thank you.”   
  
Peridot doesn’t meet her eye and changes lanes with ease, “I saw you. Thought you lost your phone. It was nothing.”   
  
“...Was it my underwear?”   
  
Peridot turned two shades darker and jerked them, “It was not your underwear! I was being, I dunno, a good person."

Lapis snorts and touches her shoulder lightly again, “Damn, and I was hoping you were an asshole. Like me.”  
  
“Well,” Peridot glances away, “I have yet to sleep with another girls girlfriend.”   
  
“Uh!” Lapis sat backward, “Calling me out like this, I’m going to insist on being saved by Lyft-Man next time.”   


Peridot hummed and turned up her heat as she saw Lapis shiver, “I would go with Rick-Shaw. I hear they’re the nicest.”  
  
Peridot glances over to her grinning, “I’ll keep that in mind.”   


They settle into another moment of the silver strings of rain clattering on the roof, filling the air.

Lapis leans back and lets out a soft noise, “So….you’re telling me you’ve never seduced someone else’s girlfriend with x-file references and a lovingly cleaned car? I’m amazed.”  
  
“Hey,” Peridot made a sharp turn off the highway towards the countryside, “Watch it.”   


Lapis laughed, “Kidding, I’m sure you cuckold all the gals...or guys. At the comic cons.”  
  
Peridot shakes her head, “You see some of my bumper stickers and think that’s all there is to me.” She turns her head slowly, “And it’s gals.” Her face was flushing again

Lapis lights up, “So it was the underwear!” She shrieks and Peridot groans with her whole body

“It’s not like that.”  
  
“No, no, I’m glad, now I know the best way to get a free ride, strip down and have a pity-fest on the sidewalk.”

“This isn’t free…” Peridot mumbles and they begin on the dusty road. “No matter how many pieces of clothing you take off I might add.”  
  
Lapis shifted next to her, but Peridot refuses to look at her, maybe for the next ten years or so. She was cutting herself off.

“I’m teasing you,” She says softly and they seem to both look away at once. “And I’m serious...I owe you. Thanks.”  
  
Peridot sighs and she turns up the heat again, “You can stop getting into weird situations.”   
  
“It’s not that weird!” Lapis elbows her from the side.   


“It’s a little weird,” Peridot grins at her.

“When people like each other very much without actually knowing each other, sometimes they touch each other and-”  
  
“Oh my God.” Peridot hit her head softly against her headrest.   
  
“And they sometimes have people that they are also with AND DON’T TELL YOU THEY’RE TAKEN.”

Peridot was laughing and scrunching her nose up, “What? But where’s the guy dressed as Deadpool and expensive food? Can’t relate.”  
  
Lapis laughs too, “I knew you were a comic con player. A cosplay casanova.”   
  
Peridot sees Lapis’s little brown house in the middle of nowhere off in the distance. Maybe if she drove a little slower

“The key is to be able to name all the Yugioh characters and win the subs vs dubs debate.” She says dryly and approaches the rain drenched roof of Lapis’s barn-house.

Lapis covered her mouth and snickers, “My hero. Make those Captain America panties drop.”

Peridot shook her head, “Anyway, I hate to make you pay me in cash, but seeing as your phone has been off and didn’t- mph.”  
  
Lapis put a finger over her mouth as they swerved into her driveway, “Say no more.”   
  
“Wait, I haven’t told you-”   
  
“I’ll be right back!” She waves and runs into her house, barefoot and still covered in goose bumps. Peridot sits back and stares at the ceiling for a very long moment.

She tried to turn on the radio as she waited, it played ‘Closer’ by The Chainsmokers.

“So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover-” Peridot turns it off again.

She’s anxiously looking at her phone and seeing if she start texting ‘fuck, no, y do i do this to myself’ to the first contact on her imessages when Lapis is running back out.

She’s in a heavy maroon bathrobe now and waving around some crumpled dollar bills in the air while clutching something to her chest.

  
Peridot lowers the window and Lapis sticks her head through, “Okay, some of this is couch cushion money, but when-”

“When?”  
  
“When, I assume, I see again it’ll be more.”   
  
“You really don’t have to. It’s only around ten bucks,” She says absently as she doesn’t look at Lapis’s face.

“Come on, come on,” Lapis held up her wad of cash and Peridot puts her hands out, “Twenty seven big ones.” She winks.

“Alright,” Peridot snorts and takes the 27 dollars, “I’ll buy myself a sandwich and a half an Ikea shelf.”  
  
“Whatever you want sweetheart, honestly.” Lapis says as she seemed to be screwing her face up- trying to convey something.   
  
“Would it make you happier if I spent it on boobs and booze in your honor?”   
  
“Yes, absolutely.” Lapis says without blinking as she reaches for her pockets, “But first!” She pulls out a red little bottle with a pink cap, “Use this first.”   
  
“Uh,” Peridot blinks, “What is that? Honestly, we’re not even supposed to accept that many tips.”   
  
Lapis frowns, “It’s my first repayment, I mean, you literally stopped in the middle of the street and said ‘I am going to pick up this naked sad looking person who was once drunk in my car and also threatened to rob a bank’.”   
  
Peridot blushes and mumbles to herself, “It was the underwear?”   
  
Lapis laughs and shakes her head, “Take it, it’s my favorite bubblebath of all time, you look like you could use something to unwind.” Peridot sticks her tongue out at her, “What? I’m sure engineering college was hard. I am giving you bubble bath.”

Peridot’s shoulders raise ever so slightly, “I uh, don’t know.”  
  
“Too late!” She shoves it through her window and into the seat next to her, “Think of me, and how goddamn cleanly and grateful I am.” Lapis grins, “Okay, well, I need to go in and take a long hot shower and be embarrassed for 72 minutes….Have a nice night!”

Lapis hopped down and Peridot watches her back recede, “See you, again…” She sighs and pops open the red bubble bath next to her, it was some sort of milk butter and smelled like something self-indulgent and pink.

It smells like her. Peridot rolls up her car window and inhaled deeply, taking in the pink scent, her scent.

  
“Fuck,” She whispers to herself softly.


	3. Luck and Unluck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some mentions of drug use

Peridot might have gone out looking for the next meeting. Just a little bit.

Doing her rounds on the outskirts of the city, doing late shifts because Lapis seemed like a night person. Doing more rounds, just in case.

She’s listening to NPR, trying to maybe dull the senses so time would go faster and maybe expand her knowledge of sleep apnea and teen obesity rates. Riveting stuff of course.

The soothing voice of some lady probably named Susan comes on, probably blonde and probably at some point learned to lower her voice in front of men to make them take her seriously.

“Sleep apnea affects 22 million Americans and could pose a major threat to public health, it disturbs regular sleep schedules and-” Peridot almost jumps out of her skin when her phone finally vibrates.

She pulls over as her fingers dance over the steering wheel. She closes her eyes and puts her hand over her phone screen, “Alright...” She’d been doing this for the last couple nights. She bit her lip, finally peeking out between her fingers at the screen, “Yes!” She cheers and almost tosses her phone out the window.

It was her, the girl, her house was blinking and Peridot was already starting the engine and doing a U-ey to the next empty dust road to the middle of nowhere.

  
“Yes, yes!” She needed to be less excited.

She guns it past the speed limit she only had hunch this country road had and tries to justify this all in her head. There wasn’t a lot of ways to do it.

She slows down to a respectable speed before she turns into Lapis’s long driveway and parks. She ruffles her own hair (ruffled was attractive, right?) and waits.

She’s tempted to honk her horn after a minute or so but managed to keep her hands by her sides until she saw a girl in a flower-dress-shift walking out the door.

She was beaming.

“Well, well, well,” Lapis clicks her tongue as she approached, “What are the odds?”   
  
Peridot rolled down her window and coughed into her hand, “There aren’t a lot of Uber’s in the city.”   
  
“Bullshit.”

Peridot frowns, “I mean, willing to drive out this far.”   
  
Lapis smiles again and smooths down her hair in the weak light of smokey moon, “Okay. Just you.” They spend a moment staring at one another as the ‘just you’ hung in the air. Peridot scratched the back of her neck.

“Messing with me…” She turned away.

“What?” Lapis asks as Peridot looks back and sighs, she opens the door.

“Get in, get in, where are we going?”   
  
Lapis swung her purse around and got into passenger's seat, “Back into the city! I have the munchies.”   
  
Of course she did. Peridot goes through legalities in her head as she started the car engine again, she was still going to do this. “Okay, Arby’s? Wendy’s? Uh, the back of a bagel shop in the trash bin?”   
  
“Pfft,” Lapis blows air out her nose, “I’ll invite you dumpster diving when you’re ready.”

Peridot gets back out onto the road at a steady pace, “How will I know when I’m ready?” She asks wryly.

“Oh, you’ll know,” She winks at her, “Oscar will come to-”   
  
“From sesame street?”   
  
“Yes! Sshh, speaking words of wisdom, a light will glow, I’ll be there, something will turn gay, and you’ll know.”   
  
Peridot laughed and she was smiling, she couldn’t look at her, “So no trash for now, where to?”   
  
“It’s all trash.” Lapis says sagely, “Some of it is just more along the way than others.”   
  
Peridot shakes her head, “You really are high…”   
  
She feels a finger poke at her forehead and almost tilt her over, “Not yet. Completely. This is a preemptive measure as a present my stomach.”   
  
Peridot snorted, “So you’re just always like this?”   
  
“Sometimes I also talk about the inevitable end of us all and crushing weight of life-”   
  
“Morbid.”   
  
“But right now I just want to go to McDonalds.”   
  
Peridot laughed and little, she couldn’t help it, and put the nearest McDonalds on her gps, “Naturally.”   
  
“And then taco bell...and then some little pies from Nanna Ma'ams.”

Peridot looked her up and down, she wasn’t too much taller than herself. “Where are you going to store all that?”

Lapis touched her chest, “In my heart.”   
  
“I hear that’s what heartburn is, yes.”   
  
Lapis pokes her again and she tries not to squirm, “My uber driver is a lil’ shit, I’m reporting this to the council.”   
  
Peridot snickers, “Alright, but I’m reporting you next, for reckless endangerment and probably everything else.”   
  


Lapis smiles, “Everything else.” She repeats and Peridot shrugs.

“Everything else.”

The city lights come into proper view and Peridot spots the ‘outer McDonalds,’ Lapis turns to her, “We’ll report eachother, go to jail together and Orange is the New Black the frick out of that place.”   
  
Peridot gets in line at the drive through, “I’m not Piper. No one can make me, also, we’ll be rooming with my mom after she hears about this and murders me, and then my ghost.”   
  
Lapis was looking over the menu, “Alright, I won’t avenge you, but I’ll assure her you died doing good deeds... Driving high people to the fast food joints.”   
  
Peridot has to cover her mouth to stop from laughing as Lapis leans over and orders, “I’ll have 3 big macs, four fries, two frosties and a 20 piece mcnugget thing.”   
  
“Oh my God, Lapis.” Peridot stares at her and then glances at her chest, “Any alka seltzer to go with that?”   
  
“And a salad.” She calls out and Peridot was laughing again.

They wait as they drive up to the window, Lapis glances at her, “Stop looking at me, it’s not all for me.”   
  
“You have a football team coming?”   
  
“Jesus, it wouldn’t even feed my athlete brother with that, nah.” Lapis keeps her eyes on the window to wait for it to open, “You may be tiny, but you shouldn’t doubt other peoples power to eat.”   
  
Peridot wagged her finger and rolled down her window, “No eating in the car.”

Lapis nods and they grab the two bags heavy with food. Lapis seemed giddy and then has her drive to the Taco Bell. This girl was something else.

Luckily, she just got 2 crunchwrap supremes and whatever that dorito shell taco thing was.

Peridot sighs, “I don’t even know what that is.”   
  
Lapis takes her combo meal, “Living my uberer, living.”   
  
“It’s Peridot,” Peridot says as they drive away, “You call me that.”   
  
Lapis hummed, “Peridot, okay.”

 

“And I think Nan’s might be closed.”   
  
Lapis shakes her head, “I have an in.”   
  
They end up going to the pie shop and some unhappy boy lets them in while Peridot’s mouth hangs open. They got two freshly baked pies the bakers were still making.

“If you eat all this I’m going to eat my own fist.” Peridot declares as they are driving away. “Maybe even both of them, we’ll see.”   
  
Lapis opens her mouth with a smarmy look on her face and then closes it, “I have some things to say to that, let me tell you, fists can.” Peridot turns to her and raises an eyebrow, Lapis quickly turned her head, “I mean, anyway, nevermind.”   
  
Peridot raises her eyebrows even further, “alright there, Lazuli?”   
  
Lapis blinks, “You know my last name?”   
  
Peridot shrugs and speeds down the highway, searching for their exit, “I heard it.”   
  
Lapis grins, “Good. Now, break that speed limit, my foods getting cold.”   
  
Peridot rolls her eyes and speeds up. Just a little. “You really are going all out.”   
  
“I have work off tomorrow.” Lapis says off-handedly, “Thought I’d celebrate.”

Peridot blinks, for some reason she never pictured Lapis at any jobs. “Where do you work?” She looks up and down, “Don’t tell me...a bar? A, uh, farm?” She was trying.

Lapis gave her a quirking grin, “Really?”   
  


Peridot kept her eyes on the road as she finally turned off her exit back into the abyss of countryside. “Don’t tell meet your a profession cuckold and/or bank robber.”   
  
“Wow. I really have made an impression." Lapis ruffles her own hair,"No, I’m an intern at the aquarium and a card dealer to pay the bills at Lucky’s.”   
  
“Lucky’s?”   
  
Lapis nods, “Card place. Where luck goes to die, honestly.” Lapis hummed, “That’s why Tony was being an ass to me, he thought I was skimming off the top.”   
  
Peridot raised an eyebrow up at her, Lapis blinks, “ _ And _ I do owe him money.”   
  
“There it is.”

“Hey,” She pouts, “You’re supposed to be on my side, you’re my getaway car.”

Peridot glances at her through the mirror, “I suppose…” She bites her lip and smiles, “Like Alfred and Batman.”   
  
Lapis laughs, “Sure…” She kicks her gently, “You want to come inside Alfed? You guys set your own hours I hear.”   
  
Peridot froze and felt her pulse drop, this is what she was waiting for. She darted her eyes to Lapis and then back to the road. “Something like that.”   
  
“Come on, I’m sure you know I’m at least exciting."   
  
Peridot grinned, “Exciting? You seem more unlucky.”   
  
“Close enough.” Lapis leaned towards her.   
  
Peridot meets her faze, “What would we be doing?”   
  
Lapis winks, “I think you know what I’m doing...We’ll be doing?” She was offering.   
  
Peridot gave a hoarse laugh, looking down and then up again, she scratched her nose and then drove a little faster as her toes hit the pedal nervously, she took a deep breath. “Why not.”   


Lapis clapped her hands together, “Thank God, I thought I would have to eat all this myself.”   
  


Peridot laughs and they turn into her driveway once more, carrying the food out and Peridot couldn't stop looking at her face. This was one way to meet people.


	4. Sweet

Peridot was following Lapis out of her car and down towards the little brown house in the dust and yellow grass.

Lapis stops in place and put her hand up for Peridot to halt, “Wait here. We’re not allowed to do this inside anyway.”   
  
Peridot blinks curiously and holds still, dumbly carrying warm big macs as she watched Lapis retreat into the house. She just kind of stood there with the light wind pushing at her brow, it was an empty feeling followed by an anticipation licking at her gut. 

She just had to go looking for this, didn’t she.

Her mom’s voice chatters in the back of her mind, it was mostly asking her why she was an uber driver again? And how were her grad school applications. Why she got a D in her last semester.

How she could she get a D in her last semester.

Peridot takes in a deep breath in through her nose, smelling like oil and grease and something chalky from the plains. She waits, and forgets her mom for a second.

Lapis comes dancing out with a little baggy in her hand and her hands waving, humor hovers under her eyes. “Do you know how to do this sunshine?” She asks her as she holds up some pieces of paper and the green bag.   
  
Peridot sniffs and swallows her pride, “Not in the slightest.”

Lapis grins and walks closer, “Look at those eyes. You’re like a groundhog that’s about to see its shadow for the first time.” Lapis laughs and watches her face closely, “I’m the shadow bt-dub.”

Peridot sighs and shakes her head, “Shadow.” She snorts, “Spooky, right, that’s you, the 5’4 girl in a sundress.”   
  
Lapis sticks her tongue out, “I’m the freaking sith here babe, I bring you the dank kush.”   
  
Peridot almost giggles at the ‘dank kush’ statement. She really was just punk in a sundress trying to be, she didn’t know, something.

“Well,  _ sweetheart _ ,” she emphasizes the word, it’s almost a challenge, “Lead the way…” She scratches her nose and adds: “Anakin was always my favorite anyway.” 

  
Lapis’s eyebrows sky rocket and she leads her to the hood of her car, “Anakin? Are you for real? Tell me you just hate sand or something.”   
  
Peridot shrugs and scratches her stomach, “The prequels aren’t that bad.”   
  
Lapis gives a full-bodied laugh and looked ready to argue with her, “Full of so many surprises you are.”    
  


“What?”

“They’ll kick you out of the Classic Nerd brigade for that.” She chuckles to herself before hopping up on the hood of Peridot’s car. “Anyway, come up here with me,” She pats the place next to her.

Peridot looks her car up and down as Lapis perched on the teal hood and awkwardly leaned back, obviously trying to arrange herself against the cold metal.

Peridot sighs, “Why not. Night of firsts.” Lapis looked at her attentively for that, “Let’s just not scratch anything...Or smudge the window.”   
  
Lapis shrugs and pats the place next to her again, Peridot scrambles up and tries to lean back as well. She lets herself recline back on her hood and take in the stars for a moment, they were vibrant breaths of white against the blackness: vast and new, it was like gulping down water with her eyes.

Peridot tears her eyes away to look at Lapis, “So. I’ve come out of my hole, show me my shadows or what have you.”   
  
Lapis quirked another grin and took out the pieces of paper and little baggy, “We’re rolling this out of bible pages I ripped out.”   
  
Peridot can’t help but snort and cover her mouth, “Seriously? A little much.”   
  
Lapis punches her gently in the shoulder, “No, not really. It’s a Cosmos. Watch carefully.”   
  
Peridot squinted in the dark as she carefully deposited the molten grin little, what, seeds? Flowers? She didn’t know.

Lapis rolls the dried leaves slowly and delicately, then brings up the bundle to lick it, Peridot watches her plum-red tongue move over the seal and wet it carefully from tip to end. Peridot gulps and her eyes follow the movement like a slow motion explosion in an action film.

She purses her lip and the little blunt is before her, she blinks, “Not bad.”   
  
Lapis shrugs, “I learned from my brother.”   
  
Peridot nods and leans forward mechanically, “Right.”   
  


Lapis searches her person, checking her pockets and then searching her bra under her flower shift, “Damn. Left it inside. Hold our baby- her name is Mary Jane. I’ll be right back.” She passes it off and Peridot holds it experimentally between her fingers.

“Huh,” She says it softly as she wet her lips and Lapis hopped down and ran inside. Peridot takes a moment to look up at the sky again, it was eerily wide, like it might swallow her up if Lapis pushed her the wrong way and she would fall up instead of down.

Uncomfortable almost, but she held the little drug and quieted the thoughts between her ears until Lapis came back, this time carrying a lighter.

“Okay, let’s throw you in the deep end,” She held up the lighter, a half-naked girl was on the side of it with a red smirk on her lips. Lapis hops back up next to her.

“Deep end? New slang for this type of weed I’m not familiar with, Anakin?”   
  
“Nah,” Lapis deftly moves her thumb across the metal spinner until a spark bursts and the flame surges to life, flickering in the shallow breeze, “It’s just somewhere to start.”   
  
Peridot puts it together and nods slightly, “Alright,” She puts the wrapped paper up to her lips and her mind fizzles like a frying pan. “Okay,” She says around the object as she accepts this.

“All you have to do is inhale, not too deeply, but enough to light the end while I set this shit on fire,” Lapis winks at her and leans forward, perhaps closer than strictly necessary- or perhaps that part was in Peridot’s head. “Inhale.” She instructs.

The flame licks the end of the paper and Peridot wets her lips again and steals Lapis’s eyes, low and heavy, she tries to breath in the burning flame.

She shivers and then immediately coughs as the smoke fills her lungs like a burning balloon that hollowed out her insides. She coughs again and let’s the blunt go.

Lapis pats her back and takes it from her, “Oops.”   
  
Peridot wipes at her eyes where they leaked, she coughed again, “Saw my shadow.” She tries to clear her throat with a laugh, “Six more weeks of winter.”    
  
Lapis’s brow creased and she leaned forward as she tucked her legs under her, “Damn. This is my fault, forget what is was to be a noobie.” She pet her back again and Peridot sees her cheeks glow a little, “Sorry ‘bout that.”   
  
Peridot shakes her head and Lapis brings her rough thumb up and wipes at Peridot’s eye. She sits perfectly still and the thumb works over the corner of her eye, slow and deliberate.

Peridot looks away and then points, “Your thing is going to go out.”   
  
Lapis turns and gives her a tight smile, “Here, I’ll show you how to be more careful.”   
  
“You? Careful?” Peridot snorts and then lets out a final cough, “Smoke your dope blue girl.”   
  
Lapis tells her to watch as she brings the little piece to her lips, Peridot  _ does _ watch, quietly as her chapped lips part and place the little nub delicately there. She inhales.

Her shoulders relax and Peridot watches as Lapis reclines and breathes out the steady gray smoke, filling the air with a sick sweetness.

Peridot lies back down next to her, “So, an aquarium intern?”   
  
Lapis shrugs and takes another slow drag, blowing the smoke away from Peridot’s face while maintaining an electric eye contact, blue and flickering like the tides, watching.

“I feed the fish. And watch the octopus.” She smiles, “It’s what I wanted when I was a dumb kid.”   
  
Peridot lifts her eyebrow and leans forward, “Do you go in the tanks?” She was imagining a wet suit.   
  
Lapis tenses next to her and is sits up for a moment, “Not any more.” Peridot opens her mouth to ask about that, then closes it. Lapis tilts her head and her fingers reach out to ghost towards her cheek, “I like the tigers now though. I like them a lot.”   
  
Peridot holds her breath and nods, her eyes dart to the wad. “Can I try again?” She asks, far too quietly.

Lapis looks up and then back down, “You sure?”   
  
Peridot grins and wants to move even closer, even with the cold metal biting into her back, she leans on her right arm and wraps her left hand around her wrist.

“I can take it,” she whispers and Lapis’s face breaks into delight at the statement, Peridot grumbles, “I mean, to the dark side or whatever, you’re the sith right?”   
  
Lapis rolls her eyes, “You’re wearing the metaphor thin. But sure, we’ll try again.”   
  
Peridot expects her to hand it off, but instead, Lapis brings her fingers delicately to Peridot’s mouth, “Pucker up.” Peridot’s heart thumps.  _ Fuck. _

Peridot takes the end of the blunt in her lips again and the pads of Lapis’s fingertips hover just in front of the sensitive skin. “Now. Take it gently now, easy.”   
  
Easy. Peridot nods ever so slightly and inhales the burning sensation into her lungs, a shiver climbs her spine and Lapis tells her to hold the smoke in.

“Hold it in your lungs for a moment, and then let it out.”

Peridot feels the warmth build like burning sweet mints and then leans her head back and feels her throat bob as she lets it out. “There you go.” Lapis rubs her arm, “You’re a right hooligan now.”   
  
Peridot laughs and leans back, “Okay.” She beams, “Why not.”   
  
Lapis giggles, the whites of her eyes were starting to red, “You haven’t seen nothing yet.”   
  
They finish the first ‘biscuit’ as Lapis lovingly called it and then roll another one, Peridot starts to feel herself floating and slow buzz washes over her. She kinda of wanted to sleep. Or eat, eat a lot.

“Alright,” Lapis was still talking and Peridot was still watching her mouth move, “Would you rather eat a live catfish or kiss a corpse?”   
  
“How is that even a contest?” She lays her head on the glass behind her, “Obviously, the corpse.”   
  
Lapis pushes on her shoulder roughly, “You necrophiliac! Why wouldn’t you just eat the fish?”   
  
Peridot shakes her head and hums, “It’s wiggling. Corpses can’t do that, more trustworthy..”   
  
Lapis snort-laughs and it’s the best sound she ever heard, “Would you rather be a zombie or a vampire than?”   
  
Peridot boldly puts her finger over Lapis’s mouth, “It’s my turn now. And vampire, obviously.”   
  
Lapis bats her hand away, “I would be a zombie. Less to do, just straightforward brain-eating, none of this immortality angst or metaphors for sexual awakenings. Just...cannibalism.”   
  
“Creepy.”   
  
“Right you are. Now, would you rather have a porcupine-”

Peridot puts her finger more forcefully over her mouth again, “My turn.” Lapis frowns and nips at her finger, but it’s far too light and Peridot blushes and moves back.

Lapis watches her, “Okay. What’s so important?”   
  
Peridot blinks and thinks very, very slowly, then opens her mouth. She tries to think again and then knits her brow together. “Huh.”

She begins to laugh, she’s holding her sides and laughing harder than she thought she could, “I forgot!” She howls and Lapis chuckles along with her.

“I swear.” Lapis rests her cheek against the cold glass of the windshield as well, “Fucking stoner..”   
  
Peridot almost spits, “Alright. I’m the stoner, you win.” She wonders if Lapis sees the same green in Peridot’s eyes as Peridot sees her blue ones. The thought haunts her brain like a concerning ghost in a mellow forest.

“Would you rather do your job all day, ie driving around like schmuck, with a vibrator up the old shoot or have to wear one of those kink-dog-collars? Mind you, people literally know you're kinking it up in this scenario.”   
  
Peridot blushes and looks away, “Why…”   
  
Lapis pushes on her shoulder, “Come on, good vibes or doggy care?”   
  
“Is the vibrator on?”   
  
“Yes. And it variates.”   
  
Peridot sighs and looks up again, “Fine. Vibrator. I at least have a chance at my dignity then.”   
  
Lapis pinches her cheek, “Thought you’d say that….Up for a challenge.” Peridot blush deepens.   
  
“Who's riding with me?”   
  
Lapis grins. “The queen.” She sighs and leans back with her hands cushioning her head, “And me of course.”   
  
“What are you doing?”   
  
“Watching.”   
  
Peridot groans, “I want a refund on this friendship. I’m too high for this right now.”   
  
Lapis giggles and keeps looking up, her eyes glowing a little red and movements swimming, “It’s part of the game. Find the other person’s limit, like discomfort chicken.”

Peridot hums as she mulls over that statement, “You like making people uncomfortable?”   
  
Lapis shrugs, “Alright, that makes me sound like an asshole.” Peridot chuckles and nods with agreement, Lapis pouts at her, “But would a douche share their weed? I retract my first statement.”    
  
Peridot grins, “Would they? Maybe.” Peridot tugs on her sleeve, “But I don’t think you’re a douche.”   
  
Lapis leans forward and the end of the paper in her hand glows, “Alright, but are _you_ uncomfortable? That’s the question.”   
  
“Always. Forever. But not just for you.” Maybe she was getting a little too honest as her senses wished-washed in the foam of her brain.

“Really? I would have liked to her special, but I can accept that.” Lapis was staring at her consideringly, laughing a little. “Huh.” Peridot turns back to the night sky.

 

“Did you move out here for the view?” She says quietly as a minute or so passes between them and they are looking at the sky.

Lapis finally looks back her way, “Well...It wasn’t for the company.” Peridot frowns deeply at that, “I mean, no, not you!” Lapis thwaps her on the shoulder rather hard, “You don’t even live out here. No one to watch me fuck up the laundry or borrow sugar from.”   
  
Peridot is smiling again, “It’s hard for me to imagine you...doing that.”

“What?”   
  
“Normal stuff out here honestly, the weird house fits,” She hums, “But not like cooking, or sleeping or getting up in the morning.”   
  
Lapis sighs and looks around, “What am I, a pooka to you? I have a life.”   
  
Peridot takes the dying blunt from her and inhales again, “I like it.” She savors the burning sensation this time, hot against her tongue and a sickly sweetness in her nose.

Lapis gives a half smile, “One more question, then we’ll devour the cold take-out food and film me inhaling a crunch wrap supreme like a youtube sensation.”   
  
Peridot giggles, “I like it.”   
  
Lapis grins, “Here, would you rather be hit by a car or an angry gorilla? Remember, you may have a chance with the gorilla with sheer force of will, but the car ain’t swerving.”   
  


Peridot groans, “Boring.”   
  
Lapis pouts, “I am the pro here. Taught you to smoke, taught you to drive, taught you your first words. I expect gorilla-car answers.”   
  
Peridot chuckles and rolls over to flop down on her stomach, she can feel the waves of ease flowing through her system.

“As my care-taker I expect to be given real questions.”   
  
“Your care-taker?”   
  
“Yes, you taught me to talk apparently....Care-taker, take care of.” Peridot says off-handedly.

“Take care of you?”

Her skin suddenly prickles as she feels a hand on her arm, it was nudging her, she follows it and  Lapis rolls her over back onto her back. She ends up at the center of the car and Lapis is looming over her on her knees. Quiet and thinking, like she always was for someone usually saying nothing at all when she spoke.

“Too much responsibility.” She murmurs and Peridot takes a moment to hear her.   
  
“Who will teach me heroin next? My mom is so disappointed in you.” She says as Lapis takes a final drag of the blunt and puts it out in a big blotchy ink spot on her car.

“I _live_ to disappoint mothers.” It was a statement she came to expect from Lapis, but not the strange stillness her tone, tentative.

Peridot takes a deep breath in, “Would you rather kiss a frog or make love to a version of count chocula? The cereal dude. And yes, he does the voice.”   
  
Lapis snickers but she’s still hovering over her with her elbows locked, “Does the frog turn into a princess?”   
  
Peridot sucks in a breath quickly, her eyes search her face as she speaks slowly. “You’d, you'd have to find out.” She hoped that was flirty.

Lapis’s lips move but nothing comes out, everything about her is stiff and unyielding for a moment, she was a fish in suspended animation, eyes going round and round as her body didn’t move.

Was Peridot misreading this? Lapis was still looking at her mouth.

“Frogs…”

“It’s okay,” Peridot's brain purs with a sweet smoke, “We could always... find out.” She leans up on her elbows, thinking of frogs and questions and this, she kisses her with the barest of touch,

It’s bold, heady as she is filled with a sense of her own daring. The kiss she knows is soft and careful, nothing like a passionate romance novel cover.

Lapis doesn’t move for a moment, eyes wide and Peridot’s heart stumbling in her chest. Lapis finally bends her elbow and takes Peridot’s head in her hand. Peridot recedes and hunches her shoulders, but Lapis follows her down.

She presses and leans in for a proper kiss, her wet lips opening up Peridot’s mouth slowly and feeling her mouth move against hers.

It was something like a drunkness as she lets Lapis move her and slowly fit their bodies together in the dark, their chests brushing as she slid down against her and become closer and closer.

Peridot got lost in the sensation, the question of whether she was doing this right forgotten in the depths of neediness, like a child on a sinking ship reaching for land.

Lapis continued to bury her hand in Peridot’s hair and send sparks into her skin as she moves their mouths together.

It was going well, better than she hoped, and more than she expected. She could let someone into her pants on top of her car in the middle of nowhere, sure, why not.

She goes to lift her hoodie up over her head but her stomach gives way. It grumbles loudly like a motor in a graveyard.

  
She could stab herself.

Lapis blinks, once, twice- like she’s waking up, and then she grins, “I have so much food I just bought...Oh my God, we need to eat that, you have no idea how good food tastes  right now, like this.”   
  
Peridot hears her inner voice banging pots and pans together and yelling at her, no. Why. We were all supposed to be on the same page here, the page of the warmth pooling in her gut.

Her stomach didn’t care, it growls again. She sighs and tries to not look disappointed. 

“Alright...Could we go inside at least? It’s actually getting chilly.” Peridot felt her joints stiffening and she had no idea what time it was.

Lapis hops down and takes Peridot’s hand to help her back to the ground, Peridot’s feet seem somewhat smokey under her eyes, shifting too much.

“You’re cold after all that?” Lapis jokes and Peridot exhales as one of them acknowledges it.

Peridot leans on her, “Not cold... In most of me.”   
  
Lapis’s eyes crinkle at the edges and she nods, “I have a lot to say to all of that, but first, we feast.”   
  
“With alka seltzer as a side?” She says hopefully as she lifts the Taco Bell up off the ground.

“We get acid reflux like men Peridot, come inside.”   
  
She smiles at her own name, light on Lapis’s mouth, and follows her indoors. Food somehow tasted like heaven and everything floated and lay still. For just a moment.

**Author's Note:**

> 5-part little fun story


End file.
